It's all or nothing, this trusting-God thing.
Either you commit or you skirt the issue and flirt with religion, which will not serve you well, in my humble opinion.
I made a commitment to the Lord in 1978, and I was--and still am--all in! I couldn't imagine life any other way.
It's a grand adventure where I simply must follow His lead, act upon the nudging of His spirit, and trust, trust, trust.
I hope you've made a similar commitment, friend. It make life that much richer, and then in the end, you get heaven too!