Finally, after nearly 20 years, I'm able to admit to the pain I suffered when people I had loved and trusted no longer wanted me in their lives.
For a long time it was my secret. I feared others would look at me and find me unlovable as well. Disposable.
It took me nearly a dozen years to realize their treatment of me spoke to their character, not mine.
As I've admitted before, I knew it was my duty to forgive, so I became a serial forgiver. Forgiveness was not a once-and-done experience. I had to continually forgive those who had hurt me. Each time I chose to forgive, it cost me. I had to give up, little by little, the desire for an apology and the longing to have my reputation restored.
Finally, I feel that debt is fulfilled. My forgiveness no longer costs me pain. There's no lingering shame or ache when those people come to mind. My eyes no long sting with unwanted tears. Well, maybe just a little.
Many years ago I gave that pain to God. He knew what betrayal felt like. He understood. But it took me years and years to come to grips with it all. And if I did it, so can you.
I pray you have a fully forgiving heart in 2015. Isn't it about time?
Forgive, and set yourself free!