Monday, August 02, 2010

Truths for Mature Humans, kind of . . .

One of my darling daughters sent me the following “Truths for Mature Humans.” Some of them are universal, but some seem more suited to a generation younger than mine. Regardless, I’d like to share these truths and the thoughts they generated.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Perhaps this is true, but I think it’s likely something a 20-something would think of first.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Uh, huh. This is universally true, although there are some folks who still won’t admit they’re wrong. That's when you have to be the bigger person and give them grace.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

Yes, indeed. There is a great need for a sarcasm font, but it should be used very carefully. Remember the first rule of etiquette—don’t make anyone else uncomfortable.

4. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Corner-seam tip to corner-seam tip. It’s an art, but one that can be learned.

5. Was learning cursive really necessary?

Wow. This is such a younger-generation thing. You were raised knowing keyboarding skills, unlike older generations that actually hand-wrote notes and letters.

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Interestingly, I believe they used to do this 30-40 years ago. At least in a general way: an accident, a short/long illness, natural causes.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Perhaps you’re not eating well enough, you need some vitamins, or you need to reevaluate what you pack into your day. It’s not “normal” to be tired all the time. (I know of which I speak, being 50+ and feeling energized during the day.)

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

Amen to that! Just make sure you learn from your mistakes.

10. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.

If someone were to create a Facebook page to "like" on this topic, I'd like it.

11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Yikes. A universal fear/truth.

12. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

Time to respect the laundry duties. Buy a home dry cleaning kit and a wooden-dowel clothes rack. You can survive your wardrobe requirements.

13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? ), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Ahh. Technology. When I was a kid the telephone was tethered to the wall and there was no such thing as voice mail.

14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Brilliant idea!

15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Don’t text and drive!

16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

It’s a learned skill, I believe. In the meanwhile, drink plenty of water.

17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Agree! Do those jerks think they’re better than everyone else, and they don’t have to stand in line?

18. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Time to slow down!

19. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Yes, a universal truth.